i forgot how much i enjoyed riding my bike by myself at night. its something that i havent been able to do in a while and im super pumped that i was able to do so tonight. just something about being away from everyone and away from work and away from drama, its just great. my spot was availiable as usual and i sat there for a while.
i like to sit outside the commons at night in the courtyard. its something that ive always done just to sit and think. this is actualy the first weekend in a while were i didnt have the urge to go out and get drunk. as i sat there i was in a complete state of relaxation. i havent been able to do this in a while, cuz of all thats going on in my life,errrr actualy all the things being taken away from me.
im not gonna lie, im not looking forward to my surgery. it may be just some routine procedure that the doctor has done a million times. but my fear of hospitals makes me anxious and im really bothered by it. im trying to keep busy by doing my work and hangin with friends but there are those times where im by myself and i just feel really scared. i feel like this whole experience has just made me bitter, a bitterness thats hidden under a happy front.
trying to stay busy has worked so far, but there are still those times where im by myself and i just feel shitty. tonight is actualy the first time i have been able to sit by myself and enjoy my surroundings. but why can i not do this all the time. why do i find my self in a state of anger when the littlest things push me.
man, this sucks
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