bored

here i am again.
currently im sitting in my abnormal psychology class bored as a mother fuckarrrrrrr. its been raining here in RVA, and to be quite honest, i dont like it. it really bothering my knee and ruining my day for the past 2 days. lol that makes me feel like an old man, I GOT A BAROMETER IN MY FUCKING KNEE. yesterday got better becasue i went to target. initialy i was there to get the new wale cd( yes ive gone legit) and some groceries, but no, they dont have it at target. so in all of my bummed out ness i came across the most amazing thing, onsie pajamas! you would be crazy to think that i did not buy them. sure they barely fit, and are kinda tight in the junk area but they are comfortable and very warm.
obscure purchases solve every problem.

currently listening to Mirrors- Wale Feat. Bun B

hmmm

oh hello there.
wow its been a while. ive been reading the previous posts and i notice that all of them are about being depressed or sad, lets change that.

i am really looking forward to this year, i have a feeling that big things will happen and ill see a changed me.

also

ladies and gentlemen, mr james taylor.

im done

its been a while, wayyyy too long actually.
im finished with exams and classes this semester, and i feel that i have done nothing but waste my time these past couple of months. my grades suck and i feel like i am more confused about where im going in life than i ever was before. im lost right now and i don't see that changing any time soon.
tomorrow i go home. hopefully there, i'll figure myself out. ive even been contemplating going on social hiatus for the summer, meaning disconnecting from the world. gym, summer school, home; that's all it would be.
who knows? im sure you'll figure it out within the next week.

REDDDDDD BULLLLLLLLL

REDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDBULLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

hidden meaning?

hello there?
for the past 3 or 4 nights,i have been annoyed by a bird. this bird enjoys sitting in the tree that sits outside of my window and just chirps away into the night. i wanted to shoot it until i put myself in this birds shoes, or talons. what if he or she is waiting for another bird, maybe its afraid to fly at night, maybe its here to keep my from sleeping, maybe hes lost...

i miss the glory, that is all

music

And if I was brave, I'd climb up to you on the mountain

currently listening to A Walk Through Hell - Say Anything

also papers are gay

new look

lifes too short to be a bitch about things.

by myself

i forgot how much i enjoyed riding my bike by myself at night. its something that i havent been able to do in a while and im super pumped that i was able to do so tonight. just something about being away from everyone and away from work and away from drama, its just great. my spot was availiable as usual and i sat there for a while.

i like to sit outside the commons at night in the courtyard. its something that ive always done just to sit and think. this is actualy the first weekend in a while were i didnt have the urge to go out and get drunk. as i sat there i was in a complete state of relaxation. i havent been able to do this in a while, cuz of all thats going on in my life,errrr actualy all the things being taken away from me.

im not gonna lie, im not looking forward to my surgery. it may be just some routine procedure that the doctor has done a million times. but my fear of hospitals makes me anxious and im really bothered by it. im trying to keep busy by doing my work and hangin with friends but there are those times where im by myself and i just feel really scared. i feel like this whole experience has just made me bitter, a bitterness thats hidden under a happy front.

trying to stay busy has worked so far, but there are still those times where im by myself and i just feel shitty. tonight is actualy the first time i have been able to sit by myself and enjoy my surroundings. but why can i not do this all the time. why do i find my self in a state of anger when the littlest things push me.

man, this sucks

and i just wanna be...

I want to be as free as the spirits of those who left
I'm talking Malcom, Coltrane, my man Yusef
Through death through conception
New breath and resurrection
For moms, new steps in her direction
In the right way
Told inside is where the fight lay
And everything a nigga do may not be what he might say
Chicago nights stay, stay on the mind
But I write many lives and lay on these lines
Wave the signs of the times
Many say the grind's on the mind
Shorties blunted-eyed and everyone wanna rhyme
Bush pushing lies, killers immortalized
We got arms but won't reach for the skies
Waiting for the Lord to rise
I look into my daughter's eyes
And realize that I'm gonna learn through her
The Messiah, might even return through her
If I'm gonna do it, I gotta change the world through her
Furs and a Benz, gramps wantin 'em
Demons and old friends, pops they hauntin' him
The chosen one from the land of the frozen sun
When drunk nights get remembered more than sober ones
Walk like warriors, we were never told to run
Explored the world to return to where my soul begun
Never looking back or too far in front of me
The present is a gift
and I just wanna BE

fuck nick and nora

93' till infinity - souls of mischief
everyday struggle - The Notorious B.I.G.
Breakout - N.E.R.D.
The Good Life - Kanye West
Electric Relaxation - A Tribe Called Quest
C.R.E.A.M. - Wu Tang Clan
Daydreamin' - Lupe Fiasco
Seed 2.0 - The Roots
Black Mags - The Cool Kids
Say - Method Man
When the Last Time - Clipse
Intergalactic - Beastie Boys
Anouncement - Common
Cupids Chokehold - Gym Class Heroes
Whats Golden - Jurrasic 5
Since youve been gone - Kelly Clarkson

what is fear?

What is fear?
it makes you sweat,
it makes you nervous,
it makes your heart race.
you ask me what fear is and i tell you its helplessness,
an emotion that leaves you petrified,
a feeling so assholeish and butholeworthy that you hate it.

but sometimes its motivation,
like "oh shit im going to die, better do something about that"
or "i dont want to lose you, i have to do something"

it drives us to do crazy things,
it drives us to do things outside of our comfort levels if and only if we conquer it.
it makes us crazy,
it makes us confused,
and it sends chills down our spines.

fear lives within all of us.
it lives within me,
it lives within you,
and if you think it doesn't,
you're crazy.

fear is an adverb
i fear losing my leg
i fear losing sports
i fear losing happiness.

most importantly though,
fear is a bitch.
a bitch that i shall overcome.
a bitch that has the balls to stand up to me,
and stare me down.
a bitch that i can look in the eyes and say...


suck my dick.


Currently listening to-
93 till infinity - souls of mischief

friday night at home

its friday,
i choose to spend it with shark week on mute on the tv and listen to biggies ready to die album.

it occurs to me that biggie is a genius. specificaly in his song entitled everyday struggle. his story and flow connect you emotionaly to his music. the mellow beat and his infectious flow put you in such a good mood. i could listen to this for the rest of the night and be satisfied.

today was boring. i dont understand what it is, but ive been really bored lately and at the same time maybe a smidge depressed. i really have no reason to be, i mean i got lots of good friends, people that make me happy and that i can trust, thats all you really need nowadays. i guess its just that im lonely. i mean i am sitting here listening to biggy and watching tv.

reguardless, i really wanted to go out tonight but someone flaked on me again. i think that this mother fucker is really the only one of my friends that i dont really trust with anything anymore. hes so unreliable and really all it does is piss me off.

im probably gonna read my book and listen to biggie for the rest of the night.
later days

currently listening to
Mo' Money, Mo' Problems - The Notorious B.I.G.

the one book i enjoy

oh hi,
it is amazing to me the amount of negativity there is in this world today. i sit here asking myself, why can i be so happy in a time of war and depression? why is it that when shit happens i can stand up and smile? why is it that my desired profession is inching further and further away from me and yet i still keep truckin, still keep my motivation at where i think is its highest point yet?
ive been thinking these things for a while now and decided i needed a little re assurance. it is then that i decided to go out and buy a book called A Return to Love by Marianne Williamson, a book i originally read in the hospital, where i spent nearly 2 weeks and almost died from a staph infection. it not only got me through such a painful time but it changed me. all the negativity built up inside, hatred and built up anger, were released almost immediately. it cleared my head, and i believe it made me a better person. it just all made sense to me.
it talks about how love is one of the most important aspects of live. you may be thinking love in terms of love in relationship but that is not the only definition of the term. it is an energy, one that cannot be seen or touched, but only felt. an energy that can change the mood of a room or motivate the minds of the unsure or depressed. an energy that i feel is important to utilize in every day life.
halfway through rereading the book i am re inspired to help others. i realize now that i wanted to become a physical thereapist so that i may do so. ive pondered the many other careers which envolve this and i might look into counseling, or psychiatry.
"Love is within us. It cannot be destroyed, but can only be hidden. The world we knew as children is still buried within our minds."
Currently listening to - Everyday Struggle - the Notorious B.I.G.