the calm before the storm

today is sunday.
errr actualy now its monday. sorry for lack of posts i promise this one will be good though because i get to talk about feelings. YAY FEELINGS. stressed, excited, happy, sad, just take them all throw them into a mixer and thats what i am. stressed because i want the deans list so bad, and i can get it if i maintain my grades. its gonna be hard but college is supposed to be hard. hard work, a philosophy ive taken on in the past couple of weeks and i really think its paying off. i am glad to be caught up with all of my classes and even a little ahead in some of them. i love it, and i definitely do not miss being behind. but one thing i am worried about is finals. this enty is called the calm before the storm because it is my last week of partial stress. next week, its time to "do work", and i mean that in all senses of the phrase.

i found something that i once lost in my past, and that my friends is hockey. i play floor hockey, and i know its not the same as ice, but i truely believe that i would never be able to play again after i hurt my knee and to be honest i love every second i play. ive missed it so much. 5 years ago when the doctor told me i couldnt play again i cried. now i know that sounds like some bitch shit, but youd understand if you were an athelete whose dreams are shattered by an injury. no playing meant no more football, and no more hockey, the two things that i loved most. and here i am in college playing watered down versions of both. but in my mind i feel as if i hadnt hurt my knee, almost delusional, but still a great feeling.

sadness comes from lots of things. i find myself getting mad at my friends for no reason. it saddens me that the slightest thought makes me want to punch him in the face. i really dont know whats wrong with me. i really hope its just the stress getting to me and that i dont kick his ass. but on the real, sometimes i just want to kick him in the balls, and i dont know why. is it jealousy? is it that hes an asshole? or is it im an asshole? regardless to which ever one it is, its not good and i really wish for it to go away. i cant be kicking no ones ass.

i am really fucking excited for kanyes album to come out. YOU HAVE NO IDEA! im not gonna lie, after i heard love lockdown i hated on it a little. and then after i heard it was entirly in auto tune i hated on it more and more. but after listening to other songs and his message i changed my attitude towards it. it is different from anything ive ever heard before. i believe that he is a musical genius. its fucked up to say but his mother dieing and his fiance leaving him have sparked this musical growth within him. he no longer is limited to rap, but also pop. he uses his music to display his feelings no matter what. he stays true to his words and stands behind them even if people tell him hes wrong or wack. kanye west, although cocky as hell, will always speak from his heart and thats the kind of people we need these days. these fake people we run into on a day to day, do nothing but waste our time.

quote of the day
"whether i say something that's right, or the wrongest thing you've ever heard, its always from my heart, its always from my soul, its always me..."

currently listening to
Amazing - Kanye West feat. Young Jeezy
(taken off youtube but you can hear it here)
http://www.vibe.com/news/music/2008/11/kanye_west_amazing/